so last week marked the end of round two!
this time around was better than last time, the doctor gave me a new anti nausea drug that actually i got through my IV before the treatment started, which meant i didnt have to track a bunch of pills all weekend. i think this actually worked great, i had a good weekend, i had more energy than usual, i still had low energy and slight nausea, but all in all it was a better weekend, so thats a good thing. i think i kind of paid for it though on monday, i felt really sick all day and had to revert back to taking some of the pills again. i think the new med just wore off and my body was like in shock about it.
so next week, july 1st marks the beginning of round 3, it's going to be a really long day but hopefully it will be worth it. i go for my PET scan in the morning (warning: i will be radioactive) but since i am having the test done right at dana farber, they will be able to read the results in real time, so i have an appointment with my oncologist, dr. lacassce at noon to review the results and discuss the next steps. hopefully i will have a more firm grasp on when this will all be over after next week. i asked dr. bhatt what they hope to see in the scan, and she said it will show one of three things, either the cancer has, improved, remained stable, or gotten worse. the chances that it has gotten worse are rare, and all signs point to it has gotten better. (i havent have anymore signs of lumps, etc) so once we know the results we will discuss the options. whether to continue with chemo, start radiation, a combination or what.
either way i am scheduled to complete round 3, and since i am taking everything one day at a time, that's all i know right now!
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
stupid side effects volume 1
so i have decided to start a new feature on the 'so this is what it's like' blog called "stupid side effects". this will be dedicated to all these ridiculous side effects as a result of chemotherapy that i keep experiencing and some of them are just too good not to share.
so what to begin with? i actually started writing these all down the other night and i already have like 12. but today i will start with one that is bothering me right at the moment.
a constant gross taste in my mouth.
really? the nausea isnt bad enough? i now have to deal with a gross stale taste in my mouth at all times? just lovely. so as if finding foods to eat and enjoy wasnt hard enough, i am now competing with this.
thankfully this is a temporary side effect and should go away in a few days, but while it's here, look out people.
so what to begin with? i actually started writing these all down the other night and i already have like 12. but today i will start with one that is bothering me right at the moment.
a constant gross taste in my mouth.
really? the nausea isnt bad enough? i now have to deal with a gross stale taste in my mouth at all times? just lovely. so as if finding foods to eat and enjoy wasnt hard enough, i am now competing with this.
thankfully this is a temporary side effect and should go away in a few days, but while it's here, look out people.
Monday, June 14, 2010
well, it happened
so i know i have disappointed my fans by not writing in a little while, and first, let me apologize. i guess the truth of the matter is this last round was not the best and i really didnt want to depress everyone with my feelings. but then my friend grete said 'give the people what they want, they dont need a postive attitude all the time' and she's right. i started writing this blog to inform family and friends what i was going through, and it might not always be sunshine and rainbows.
so this past round of chemo just started off bad, i started the day out with a fever, and just not feeling good. my fever ended up going down by the time the infusions started, but i just in general wasnt feeling 100% and i think that really effected this whole round. it was a long day, we got there at 10am and didnt leave until almost 4. a long day of sitting and feeling like crap and not being at your home base is enough to make anyone cranky. there was a positive outcome to this round though, my doctor informed me that they would be doing a pet scan before the next cycle, which will be july 1st. so that is one round earlier than initially thought. i doubt it has anything to do with how things are going, because the scan will be the only indicator of that, but having the scan done and the results earlier is great, so we have a better idea of how much longer i have to go through this for.
so the first cycle my schedule would go as follows: go in for treatment on thursday, feel crappy thursday night through monday, not feel super great on monday and tuesday, but at least wouldnt need anti-nausea meds, just felt sleepy and lacked energy. this round i felt like crap from the thursday i went in for treatment until the following saturday. this did not put me in a good place. i had moments of feeling okay, but i think alot of it was me forcing myself to try and feel better, to try and trick my head to say oh no, this is day i'm supposed to be feeling good, so i will feel good. the power of positive thinking, i was hoping, which worked for a few days.
i think emotionally i did not do well this round at all. i went to visit my work to see some friends and talk to them about the fact that i dont think i can return to work just yet because of the uncertainty of my treatment right now. this visit was good and bad. it was good because it was fun to see people, and everyone was so supportive and all that, but it also depressed me because it was like i was getting a glimpse of my 'normal life' where i worked all day, talked to lots of people, went from meeting to meeting, answered questions and felt like a contributing member of society. but the reality is right now, i sit at home, and for half the time really just feel like crap and sit and watch tv. i know for most this would be a dream come true to get a break like this, which it is nice, and it's a bigger bonus that it's summer and not winter, but for me it's hard. it's hard when chris comes home and where we used to sit and talk about our days over dinner, all i have to say is "i really hate when regis is on vacation and kelly has to fake it with a guest host"
it doesnt help that i have always been a person that can escape into tv land when i'm feeling down, it's always been a friend to me. but this round i kind got sick of it, i got sick of reading, i just got sick of it all. and then it happened. it all hit me. this whole situation hit me like a bus going 80. so many people have said to me, you're being so positive, that's great, keep that up, even my oncologist who deals with breaking the news of people having cancer everyday said 'you're being really calm right now, are you okay?" and just this weekend i allowed myself not to be ok. this situation sucks. this isnt some glorified summer vacation. i have cancer and i am going through chemotherapy. i feel sick alot of the time. i cant even walk down the street without getting winded some days. i was supposed to be getting married in a few months, i should be shopping for bridal shower dresses and outfits for my honeymoon. we dont even know when we are going to be able to get married and it sucks, everything was going so perfectly in our lives and this had to happen and i just dont get it, it's not fair.
but thats what i have to allow myself, it's not all sunshine and rainbows, i have to allow myself these moments of 'this sucks' because otherwise i cant balance it with the positivity of taking this all one day at a time, and knowing that i will someday look back on this and it will seem like a small blip on the radar. i was having a hard time accepting that i would one day be a cancer survivor because that means at one point i had to be a victim. i dont in general like to 'play the victim' but i think part of this illness is accepting what is going on, not just try and ignore it and hope it goes away. i think it's part of surviving it.
so this past round of chemo just started off bad, i started the day out with a fever, and just not feeling good. my fever ended up going down by the time the infusions started, but i just in general wasnt feeling 100% and i think that really effected this whole round. it was a long day, we got there at 10am and didnt leave until almost 4. a long day of sitting and feeling like crap and not being at your home base is enough to make anyone cranky. there was a positive outcome to this round though, my doctor informed me that they would be doing a pet scan before the next cycle, which will be july 1st. so that is one round earlier than initially thought. i doubt it has anything to do with how things are going, because the scan will be the only indicator of that, but having the scan done and the results earlier is great, so we have a better idea of how much longer i have to go through this for.
so the first cycle my schedule would go as follows: go in for treatment on thursday, feel crappy thursday night through monday, not feel super great on monday and tuesday, but at least wouldnt need anti-nausea meds, just felt sleepy and lacked energy. this round i felt like crap from the thursday i went in for treatment until the following saturday. this did not put me in a good place. i had moments of feeling okay, but i think alot of it was me forcing myself to try and feel better, to try and trick my head to say oh no, this is day i'm supposed to be feeling good, so i will feel good. the power of positive thinking, i was hoping, which worked for a few days.
i think emotionally i did not do well this round at all. i went to visit my work to see some friends and talk to them about the fact that i dont think i can return to work just yet because of the uncertainty of my treatment right now. this visit was good and bad. it was good because it was fun to see people, and everyone was so supportive and all that, but it also depressed me because it was like i was getting a glimpse of my 'normal life' where i worked all day, talked to lots of people, went from meeting to meeting, answered questions and felt like a contributing member of society. but the reality is right now, i sit at home, and for half the time really just feel like crap and sit and watch tv. i know for most this would be a dream come true to get a break like this, which it is nice, and it's a bigger bonus that it's summer and not winter, but for me it's hard. it's hard when chris comes home and where we used to sit and talk about our days over dinner, all i have to say is "i really hate when regis is on vacation and kelly has to fake it with a guest host"
it doesnt help that i have always been a person that can escape into tv land when i'm feeling down, it's always been a friend to me. but this round i kind got sick of it, i got sick of reading, i just got sick of it all. and then it happened. it all hit me. this whole situation hit me like a bus going 80. so many people have said to me, you're being so positive, that's great, keep that up, even my oncologist who deals with breaking the news of people having cancer everyday said 'you're being really calm right now, are you okay?" and just this weekend i allowed myself not to be ok. this situation sucks. this isnt some glorified summer vacation. i have cancer and i am going through chemotherapy. i feel sick alot of the time. i cant even walk down the street without getting winded some days. i was supposed to be getting married in a few months, i should be shopping for bridal shower dresses and outfits for my honeymoon. we dont even know when we are going to be able to get married and it sucks, everything was going so perfectly in our lives and this had to happen and i just dont get it, it's not fair.
but thats what i have to allow myself, it's not all sunshine and rainbows, i have to allow myself these moments of 'this sucks' because otherwise i cant balance it with the positivity of taking this all one day at a time, and knowing that i will someday look back on this and it will seem like a small blip on the radar. i was having a hard time accepting that i would one day be a cancer survivor because that means at one point i had to be a victim. i dont in general like to 'play the victim' but i think part of this illness is accepting what is going on, not just try and ignore it and hope it goes away. i think it's part of surviving it.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
cycle one...complete!
so chemo 'cycles' are split into two sessions, 1a and 1b. so now that i have completed 1a and 1b i am officially done with one cycle of chemo! yay! two more cycles to go (4 more visits) before the doctors re-evaluate.
so this time around there were positives and negatives to having already been through it. on the one hand i was prepared, i kind of knew what to expect. on the other hand, i knew what to expect and that was a few days of feeling really crappy and miserable. but on the positive side, my doctors adjusted my meds and i was much more coherent for the entire weekend after the chemo.
it was the same deal as the first time around, go into dana farber around 1015am on thursday, get my vital signs taken, talk to the doctor, get an IV started, and sit around and wait for a bit for the pharmacy to send up my chemo drugs. this week, in addition to chris, my mom and stepdad david were in attendance. they got to meet my nurse Kerry and my mom got to get more of a lay of the land which i think helps her in dealing with all of this. so once again they had an issue with my veins and had to switch the IV before starting the chemo, and nurse kerry and the phlebotomist danny decided that they are not going to have such an issue that i will need a port, they are going to make it work. which was great news to me because i'm not really interested in having another surgery type situation anytime soon. once everything with my IV was settled i buckled up and got ready for my second experience with chemo.
this time around we had some interesting neighbors in the infusion room. next to us was a couple in their late 60s, early 70s, the wife was being treated and the husband was sitting uncomfortably close to chris, like their arms were touching. and it must have been the lady's first time there because she was filling out her questionnaire and there is a question asking if you are sexually active, at which point the lady asked the nurse for clarification, and the husband turned to chris and said "i dont know about her, but i am" these are the moments people, these are the kind of shenanigans you can expect in an infusion room.
also during this visit i was informed of my low white blood cell count. unfortunately, after chemo your white blood cell counts are at their lowest 10-14 days after treatment, and for me that is exactly when i go back to get more, so through out this whole process i will have a low count. the normal is 2.0-6.4 and i was at a .04. so what does this mean for me? well i have to be extra cautious around sick people, use normal or a little above normal hand washing routines, try to stay away from school aged children since they are just a breading ground for germs, and take extra care with my diet. make sure things are well washed and well cooked, it's pretty much a similar diet to a pregnant person, no sushi, cheeses have to pasteurized, etc. and if i do feel sick and spike a fever, i have to go to the hospital, so this has urged chris and i to purchase a thermometer, something i never really thought about having on hand, but now is a necessity.
but all in all this round was a little easier to deal with than the last one. friday i was more alert and actually incredibly hungry the entire day. i think this is because on thursday they give me a steroid to boost the effects of the anti-nausea meds and it left me ravenous. and then saturday and sunday were my normal sleepy lazy days that i didnt really feel like leaving the house or doing much of anything, and needed frequent naps to get through the day.
now today is a beautiful 85 degree day and i think i might go sit outside and read my newest toy, my kindle courtesy of my aunts, uncle, and cousins!
so this time around there were positives and negatives to having already been through it. on the one hand i was prepared, i kind of knew what to expect. on the other hand, i knew what to expect and that was a few days of feeling really crappy and miserable. but on the positive side, my doctors adjusted my meds and i was much more coherent for the entire weekend after the chemo.
it was the same deal as the first time around, go into dana farber around 1015am on thursday, get my vital signs taken, talk to the doctor, get an IV started, and sit around and wait for a bit for the pharmacy to send up my chemo drugs. this week, in addition to chris, my mom and stepdad david were in attendance. they got to meet my nurse Kerry and my mom got to get more of a lay of the land which i think helps her in dealing with all of this. so once again they had an issue with my veins and had to switch the IV before starting the chemo, and nurse kerry and the phlebotomist danny decided that they are not going to have such an issue that i will need a port, they are going to make it work. which was great news to me because i'm not really interested in having another surgery type situation anytime soon. once everything with my IV was settled i buckled up and got ready for my second experience with chemo.
this time around we had some interesting neighbors in the infusion room. next to us was a couple in their late 60s, early 70s, the wife was being treated and the husband was sitting uncomfortably close to chris, like their arms were touching. and it must have been the lady's first time there because she was filling out her questionnaire and there is a question asking if you are sexually active, at which point the lady asked the nurse for clarification, and the husband turned to chris and said "i dont know about her, but i am" these are the moments people, these are the kind of shenanigans you can expect in an infusion room.
also during this visit i was informed of my low white blood cell count. unfortunately, after chemo your white blood cell counts are at their lowest 10-14 days after treatment, and for me that is exactly when i go back to get more, so through out this whole process i will have a low count. the normal is 2.0-6.4 and i was at a .04. so what does this mean for me? well i have to be extra cautious around sick people, use normal or a little above normal hand washing routines, try to stay away from school aged children since they are just a breading ground for germs, and take extra care with my diet. make sure things are well washed and well cooked, it's pretty much a similar diet to a pregnant person, no sushi, cheeses have to pasteurized, etc. and if i do feel sick and spike a fever, i have to go to the hospital, so this has urged chris and i to purchase a thermometer, something i never really thought about having on hand, but now is a necessity.
but all in all this round was a little easier to deal with than the last one. friday i was more alert and actually incredibly hungry the entire day. i think this is because on thursday they give me a steroid to boost the effects of the anti-nausea meds and it left me ravenous. and then saturday and sunday were my normal sleepy lazy days that i didnt really feel like leaving the house or doing much of anything, and needed frequent naps to get through the day.
now today is a beautiful 85 degree day and i think i might go sit outside and read my newest toy, my kindle courtesy of my aunts, uncle, and cousins!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
run forest run!!!
so i am going to use this blog post to give a shout out to some of my loved ones that are doing a great thing in honor of me.
a few weeks ago chris and i went down to providence to watch my brother complete his first half marathon. a goal he had been working on few a few months. while we were standing at the finish line watching the other runners come in, chris said "that's it, i'm doing this" he had been looking for a way to do something 'for me' since i have to go through all this crap. and after talking to my brother about it, they did some research and found a half marathon in october in newport. they have formed a team through dana farber and have set up a fundraising page for people to donate. all proceeds help support their amazing hospital as well as all their research they are doing to hopefully one day find a cure for cancer.
once chris and brian started sending out emails about this, more people wanted to join their team. my cousin tim, our good friend brady, and my two coworkers/friends greg and audra all have decided to run as well.
it means a lot to me that everyone wants to help support me by either running or donating money. even if it's not for me, if it's for someone you know that has been affected by this awful disease.
so if you want to help out, here's the website http://www.rundanafarber.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=326685&supid=268072961
once chris and brian started sending out emails about this, more people wanted to join their team. my cousin tim, our good friend brady, and my two coworkers/friends greg and audra all have decided to run as well.
it means a lot to me that everyone wants to help support me by either running or donating money. even if it's not for me, if it's for someone you know that has been affected by this awful disease.
so if you want to help out, here's the website http://www.rundanafarber.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=326685&supid=268072961
also, if you know anything about chris, the kid is dedicated, so of course once he decided he was training for a half marathon, game on. he found websites that track his progress, he started a training program and bought all new stuff for his new career as a long distance runner. he and my brother will be running various 5ks and 10ks all summer. and now all him and brady text about is their 'training' it's nice though, at least it gives chris some sort of outlet to get the stress of this whole thing out.
and since chris is the team captain, dana farber has been sending him some of the team materials as they reach different fundraising goals. if there is another thing you might know about chris is that he loves free stuff. free tshirts, hats, the kid is in heaven.
so you can look forward to this stud running the streets of newport this fall
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
i survived round 1...i think
ok, so today has been the first day i felt like myself again since round one of the chemo. i didnt want to blog before this because i was hoping i would just feel better soon. and i do.
so chemo was thursday, that day i felt pretty normal, just emotionally drained from the day. friday...whoooooo friday. i really dont have much memory of friday at all. well i have memories of some weird stuff that was happening that i can only attribute to the anti nausea medicine i was on and i wasnt really eating that much. i basically was in and out of consiousness all day and said some weird things to people via texts, emails, phone, and oh yes, i wrote my last blog post while basically intoxicated on these meds. chris mentioned it might be a good idea for me to wait a day or two before blogging. i think that's a good decision.
then saturday, i felt a little better, but still quite nausous and zero energy. for example, i took a shower and needed to take a two hour nap afterwards because it took so much out of me. then i was basically useless that whole day. chris thought it would be a good idea to at least get me out of the house, so we went over to petco and bought a beta fish and named him sammie. i'm actually glad we did this, it's nice to have a little company during the day and watching a fish swim around is actually quite calming.
then it was sunday, mothers day, we went down the cape and had brunch with my family, after this adventure i needed a big time nap. oh and also this was the first day i started to experience dry mouth. when i say dry mouth i mean a feeling that i had like canqers all over my mouth or something, it was riciculously uncomfortable and i didnt know what was going on. i called dr. bhatt and she recomended a dry mouth wash, which helped with the problem and has since gone away. then sunday night the brady's came over and made us mac and cheese. god i love mac and cheese.
monday i tried to not take any medicine since most of the directions we had been given were to only take them for 2-3 days after chemo and i in general dont like taking perscription drugs. i made it most of the day but then when chris got home from work we took a ride to cvs and it really wiped me out and i started to feel sick again, so i took one pill that night, then i felt fine.
then yesterday, tuesday. i had an interesting situation. so most of those that know me know that i hate washing my hair, i do it basically because society tells me i need to, but in general i hate the process, it takes forever, i have curly hair but i like it straight, which takes a while, i just hate it. so you can imagine how much i have been reveling in not really having to make myself presentable, or wash my hair, or do really anything for that matter, because let's face it, i have cancer, who's going to say something to me? so yesterday it was getting obscene with my hair so i had to wash it. i got in the shower and while i was washing my hair i had to like concentrate on breathing because i was starting to feel so sick. i rushed through the process and got out of the shower, i really thought i was going to throw up, which i havent done yet, but we all know that feeling. i sat on the bathroom floor for like five minutes until this passed, then i felt fine.
eating has been weird, i like havent really been hungry at all, but i know i need to eat consistently so i have just been basically making meals at the same time everyday. it's weird i feel better once i eat, but it doesnt come with that hungry feeling. and for someone that has basically been hungry her whole life, this is a weird change.
it's so weird, i never really thought of myself as an 'energetic' person, but this thing is really kicking my ass. well i shouldnt put it like that because that makes it sound like i'm letting it get the best of me, which i'm not, but man, this really sucks. i have to take breathers after showering? i cant even go for like a 20 minute walk without feeling like i'm going to die when it's over? but, i have no choice but to think positive. this will get better with every round, my body will adjust and every time it will take less and less time to recover.
so chemo was thursday, that day i felt pretty normal, just emotionally drained from the day. friday...whoooooo friday. i really dont have much memory of friday at all. well i have memories of some weird stuff that was happening that i can only attribute to the anti nausea medicine i was on and i wasnt really eating that much. i basically was in and out of consiousness all day and said some weird things to people via texts, emails, phone, and oh yes, i wrote my last blog post while basically intoxicated on these meds. chris mentioned it might be a good idea for me to wait a day or two before blogging. i think that's a good decision.
then saturday, i felt a little better, but still quite nausous and zero energy. for example, i took a shower and needed to take a two hour nap afterwards because it took so much out of me. then i was basically useless that whole day. chris thought it would be a good idea to at least get me out of the house, so we went over to petco and bought a beta fish and named him sammie. i'm actually glad we did this, it's nice to have a little company during the day and watching a fish swim around is actually quite calming.
then it was sunday, mothers day, we went down the cape and had brunch with my family, after this adventure i needed a big time nap. oh and also this was the first day i started to experience dry mouth. when i say dry mouth i mean a feeling that i had like canqers all over my mouth or something, it was riciculously uncomfortable and i didnt know what was going on. i called dr. bhatt and she recomended a dry mouth wash, which helped with the problem and has since gone away. then sunday night the brady's came over and made us mac and cheese. god i love mac and cheese.
monday i tried to not take any medicine since most of the directions we had been given were to only take them for 2-3 days after chemo and i in general dont like taking perscription drugs. i made it most of the day but then when chris got home from work we took a ride to cvs and it really wiped me out and i started to feel sick again, so i took one pill that night, then i felt fine.
then yesterday, tuesday. i had an interesting situation. so most of those that know me know that i hate washing my hair, i do it basically because society tells me i need to, but in general i hate the process, it takes forever, i have curly hair but i like it straight, which takes a while, i just hate it. so you can imagine how much i have been reveling in not really having to make myself presentable, or wash my hair, or do really anything for that matter, because let's face it, i have cancer, who's going to say something to me? so yesterday it was getting obscene with my hair so i had to wash it. i got in the shower and while i was washing my hair i had to like concentrate on breathing because i was starting to feel so sick. i rushed through the process and got out of the shower, i really thought i was going to throw up, which i havent done yet, but we all know that feeling. i sat on the bathroom floor for like five minutes until this passed, then i felt fine.
eating has been weird, i like havent really been hungry at all, but i know i need to eat consistently so i have just been basically making meals at the same time everyday. it's weird i feel better once i eat, but it doesnt come with that hungry feeling. and for someone that has basically been hungry her whole life, this is a weird change.
it's so weird, i never really thought of myself as an 'energetic' person, but this thing is really kicking my ass. well i shouldnt put it like that because that makes it sound like i'm letting it get the best of me, which i'm not, but man, this really sucks. i have to take breathers after showering? i cant even go for like a 20 minute walk without feeling like i'm going to die when it's over? but, i have no choice but to think positive. this will get better with every round, my body will adjust and every time it will take less and less time to recover.
Friday, May 7, 2010
chemo: day 1
so yesterday chris and i went into dana farber to start my treatment. we of course got there like an hour early, but whatever.
so i know i have gotten a lot of questions on what it feels like and how i am feeling now, so i just wanted go over those things with you. i know i had never been in this kind of situation before, so i'm sure neither have a lot of you.
so we get there and the leukemia and lymphoma cases kind of have their own area on the first floor. i have to go in and get my height and weight checked, then go back to sit in the waiting room. it was a particularly packed day in there, and i literally started to feel the weight of everything that was happening to me. i couldn't sit still, i wouldn't let Chris touch me, i just didnt want to be starting this and not out here in the lobby with very sick looking people with masks and gloves, some not being able to walk. i wanted to be anywhere but there at that moment, at work having the day fly by because im so busy, over playing with my mom's dog...anywhere. it sucks. i just started to get up to just wander around because i could no longer sit still when they called my name 'holy shit, I'm going into the infusion area, where they give the chemo, for cancer, and it's for me. i don't get it'
so after having a minor breakdown the nurse: Kerri, brought me over to a chair and said she was going to put an I.V in. arm one, no luck. arm 2, no luck. while kerri was going over paperwork with me, it came to the talk about losing my hair. and i really started to lose it, i think being a female she got it, and knows there is nothing she cant say other than the great wigs they have now, etc, i gathered myself together. Kerri also said it's my first time it's all very scary and overwhelming.
Kerri calls in reinforcements to get the IV and she gets in first time. she says that nurse always shows everyone up. well anyway the IV was in and i was going to get about half a bag of saline before starting the chemo.-side note, never did the words 'just a pinch' come out of their mouths...i'm just saying...
our fellow, Dr. Bhatt came over and just asked any remaining questions i had, and wanted to let me know that most people in this infusion room don't have what i have, so i shouldn't think down the line, that's going to be me. which really helped a lot in thinking about it.
so this would be three or so hours chris and i sat around, luckily i had my laptop. then the volunteers roll around a cart that chris did everything but dive completely into. they had sandwiches, chips, (sun chips i might add)and drinks. so i had a nice lunch of that. then still waiting, my stepdad david stopped by on his lunch break to check out the situation. he likes to poke his head around.
so they finally started administering the drugs at like 1-130. the first two Kerri sat and administered them through huge syringe. the first, the "A' of the treatment is red, which i am told will make my pee orange. and oh boy did it. i had forgotten about her warnings when i was in the bathroom and got really freaked out. the second was also given with a syringe, the third went through my IV and lasted about 10 mins, and the last one went through IV and lasted about an hour. i had to pee a lot throughout this process and i always get nervous because, well I'm carting cancer drugs around.
so after that i was done! free to leave, but not before picking up
my prescriptions!here is a little snapshot of all the anti-nausea pills
oh and rested assured chris has thoroughly read through all those pamphlets and has begun a med schedule up on the fridge.
driving home i had weird spurts of having a headache and then feeling that i might throw up, but then that went away, i just wanted to get home. for an hour or two i just had an intense stomach pain/nausea.
right now, the day after i just feel groggy, like i'm walking around slower its taking me longer to type than usual, and texting is hard, its just like double vision on the screen.
ok that's all for now. you start to see the real effects 12-48 hours after treatment....so it looks like a big weekend of fun in bed
so i know i have gotten a lot of questions on what it feels like and how i am feeling now, so i just wanted go over those things with you. i know i had never been in this kind of situation before, so i'm sure neither have a lot of you.
so we get there and the leukemia and lymphoma cases kind of have their own area on the first floor. i have to go in and get my height and weight checked, then go back to sit in the waiting room. it was a particularly packed day in there, and i literally started to feel the weight of everything that was happening to me. i couldn't sit still, i wouldn't let Chris touch me, i just didnt want to be starting this and not out here in the lobby with very sick looking people with masks and gloves, some not being able to walk. i wanted to be anywhere but there at that moment, at work having the day fly by because im so busy, over playing with my mom's dog...anywhere. it sucks. i just started to get up to just wander around because i could no longer sit still when they called my name 'holy shit, I'm going into the infusion area, where they give the chemo, for cancer, and it's for me. i don't get it'
so after having a minor breakdown the nurse: Kerri, brought me over to a chair and said she was going to put an I.V in. arm one, no luck. arm 2, no luck. while kerri was going over paperwork with me, it came to the talk about losing my hair. and i really started to lose it, i think being a female she got it, and knows there is nothing she cant say other than the great wigs they have now, etc, i gathered myself together. Kerri also said it's my first time it's all very scary and overwhelming.
Kerri calls in reinforcements to get the IV and she gets in first time. she says that nurse always shows everyone up. well anyway the IV was in and i was going to get about half a bag of saline before starting the chemo.-side note, never did the words 'just a pinch' come out of their mouths...i'm just saying...
our fellow, Dr. Bhatt came over and just asked any remaining questions i had, and wanted to let me know that most people in this infusion room don't have what i have, so i shouldn't think down the line, that's going to be me. which really helped a lot in thinking about it.
so this would be three or so hours chris and i sat around, luckily i had my laptop. then the volunteers roll around a cart that chris did everything but dive completely into. they had sandwiches, chips, (sun chips i might add)and drinks. so i had a nice lunch of that. then still waiting, my stepdad david stopped by on his lunch break to check out the situation. he likes to poke his head around.
so they finally started administering the drugs at like 1-130. the first two Kerri sat and administered them through huge syringe. the first, the "A' of the treatment is red, which i am told will make my pee orange. and oh boy did it. i had forgotten about her warnings when i was in the bathroom and got really freaked out. the second was also given with a syringe, the third went through my IV and lasted about 10 mins, and the last one went through IV and lasted about an hour. i had to pee a lot throughout this process and i always get nervous because, well I'm carting cancer drugs around.
so after that i was done! free to leave, but not before picking up
my prescriptions!here is a little snapshot of all the anti-nausea pills
oh and rested assured chris has thoroughly read through all those pamphlets and has begun a med schedule up on the fridge.
driving home i had weird spurts of having a headache and then feeling that i might throw up, but then that went away, i just wanted to get home. for an hour or two i just had an intense stomach pain/nausea.
right now, the day after i just feel groggy, like i'm walking around slower its taking me longer to type than usual, and texting is hard, its just like double vision on the screen.
ok that's all for now. you start to see the real effects 12-48 hours after treatment....so it looks like a big weekend of fun in bed
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