cycle one...complete!

so chemo 'cycles' are split into two sessions, 1a and 1b. so now that i have completed 1a and 1b i am officially done with one cycle of chemo! yay! two more cycles to go (4 more visits) before the doctors re-evaluate.

so this time around there were positives and negatives to having already been through it. on the one hand i was prepared, i kind of knew what to expect. on the other hand, i knew what to expect and that was a few days of feeling really crappy and miserable. but on the positive side, my doctors adjusted my meds and i was much more coherent for the entire weekend after the chemo.

it was the same deal as the first time around, go into dana farber around 1015am on thursday, get my vital signs taken, talk to the doctor, get an IV started, and sit around and wait for a bit for the pharmacy to send up my chemo drugs. this week, in addition to chris, my mom and stepdad david were in attendance. they got to meet my nurse Kerry and my mom got to get more of a lay of the land which i think helps her in dealing with all of this. so once again they had an issue with my veins and had to switch the IV before starting the chemo, and nurse kerry and the phlebotomist danny decided that they are not going to have such an issue that i will need a port, they are going to make it work. which was great news to me because i'm not really interested in having another surgery type situation anytime soon. once everything with my IV was settled i buckled up and got ready for my second experience with chemo.

this time around we had some interesting neighbors in the infusion room. next to us was a couple in their late 60s, early 70s, the wife was being treated and the husband was sitting uncomfortably close to chris, like their arms were touching. and it must have been the lady's first time there because she was filling out her questionnaire and there is a question asking if you are sexually active, at which point the lady asked the nurse for clarification, and the husband turned to chris and said "i dont know about her, but i am" these are the moments people, these are the kind of shenanigans you can expect in an infusion room.

also during this visit i was informed of my low white blood cell count. unfortunately, after chemo your white blood cell counts are at their lowest 10-14 days after treatment, and for me that is exactly when i go back to get more, so through out this whole process i will have a low count. the normal is 2.0-6.4 and i was at a .04. so what does this mean for me? well i have to be extra cautious around sick people, use normal or a little above normal hand washing routines, try to stay away from school aged children since they are just a breading ground for germs, and take extra care with my diet. make sure things are well washed and well cooked, it's pretty much a similar diet to a pregnant person, no sushi, cheeses have to pasteurized, etc. and if i do feel sick and spike a fever, i have to go to the hospital, so this has urged chris and i to purchase a thermometer, something i never really thought about having on hand, but now is a necessity.

but all in all this round was a little easier to deal with than the last one. friday i was more alert and actually incredibly hungry the entire day. i think this is because on thursday they give me a steroid to boost the effects of the anti-nausea meds and it left me ravenous. and then saturday and sunday were my normal sleepy lazy days that i didnt really feel like leaving the house or doing much of anything, and needed frequent naps to get through the day.

now today is a beautiful 85 degree day and i think i might go sit outside and read my newest toy, my kindle courtesy of my aunts, uncle, and cousins!

run forest run!!!

so i am going to use this blog post to give a shout out to some of my loved ones that are doing a great thing in honor of me.

a few weeks ago chris and i went down to providence to watch my brother complete his first half marathon. a goal he had been working on few a few months. while we were standing at the finish line watching the other runners come in, chris said "that's it, i'm doing this" he had been looking for a way to do something 'for me' since i have to go through all this crap. and after talking to my brother about it, they did some research and found a half marathon in october in newport. they have formed a team through dana farber and have set up a fundraising page for people to donate. all proceeds help support their amazing hospital as well as all their research they are doing to hopefully one day find a cure for cancer.

once chris and brian started sending out emails about this, more people wanted to join their team. my cousin tim, our good friend brady, and my two coworkers/friends greg and audra all have decided to run as well.

it means a lot to me that everyone wants to help support me by either running or donating money. even if it's not for me, if it's for someone you know that has been affected by this awful disease.

so if you want to help out, here's the website http://www.rundanafarber.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=326685&supid=268072961

also, if you know anything about chris, the kid is dedicated, so of course once he decided he was training for a half marathon, game on. he found websites that track his progress, he started a training program and bought all new stuff for his new career as a long distance runner. he and my brother will be running various 5ks and 10ks all summer. and now all him and brady text about is their 'training' it's nice though, at least it gives chris some sort of outlet to get the stress of this whole thing out.

and since chris is the team captain, dana farber has been sending him some of the team materials as they reach different fundraising goals. if there is another thing you might know about chris is that he loves free stuff. free tshirts, hats, the kid is in heaven.

so you can look forward to this stud running the streets of newport this fall

i survived round 1...i think

ok, so today has been the first day i felt like myself again since round one of the chemo. i didnt want to blog before this because i was hoping i would just feel better soon. and i do.

so chemo was thursday, that day i felt pretty normal, just emotionally drained from the day. friday...whoooooo friday. i really dont have much memory of friday at all. well i have memories of some weird stuff that was happening that i can only attribute to the anti nausea medicine i was on and i wasnt really eating that much. i basically was in and out of consiousness all day and said some weird things to people via texts, emails, phone, and oh yes, i wrote my last blog post while basically intoxicated on these meds. chris mentioned it might be a good idea for me to wait a day or two before blogging. i think that's a good decision.

then saturday, i felt a little better, but still quite nausous and zero energy. for example, i took a shower and needed to take a two hour nap afterwards because it took so much out of me. then i was basically useless that whole day. chris thought it would be a good idea to at least get me out of the house, so we went over to petco and bought a beta fish and named him sammie. i'm actually glad we did this, it's nice to have a little company during the day and watching a fish swim around is actually quite calming.

then it was sunday, mothers day, we went down the cape and had brunch with my family, after this adventure i needed a big time nap. oh and also this was the first day i started to experience dry mouth. when i say dry mouth i mean a feeling that i had like canqers all over my mouth or something, it was riciculously uncomfortable and i didnt know what was going on. i called dr. bhatt and she recomended a dry mouth wash, which helped with the problem and has since gone away. then sunday night the brady's came over and made us mac and cheese. god i love mac and cheese.

monday i tried to not take any medicine since most of the directions we had been given were to only take them for 2-3 days after chemo and i in general dont like taking perscription drugs. i made it most of the day but then when chris got home from work we took a ride to cvs and it really wiped me out and i started to feel sick again, so i took one pill that night, then i felt fine.

then yesterday, tuesday. i had an interesting situation. so most of those that know me know that i hate washing my hair, i do it basically because society tells me i need to, but in general i hate the process, it takes forever, i have curly hair but i like it straight, which takes a while, i just hate it. so you can imagine how much i have been reveling in not really having to make myself presentable, or wash my hair, or do really anything for that matter, because let's face it, i have cancer, who's going to say something to me? so yesterday it was getting obscene with my hair so i had to wash it. i got in the shower and while i was washing my hair i had to like concentrate on breathing because i was starting to feel so sick. i rushed through the process and got out of the shower, i really thought i was going to throw up, which i havent done yet, but we all know that feeling. i sat on the bathroom floor for like five minutes until this passed, then i felt fine.

eating has been weird, i like havent really been hungry at all, but i know i need to eat consistently so i have just been basically making meals at the same time everyday. it's weird i feel better once i eat, but it doesnt come with that hungry feeling. and for someone that has basically been hungry her whole life, this is a weird change.

it's so weird, i never really thought of myself as an 'energetic' person, but this thing is really kicking my ass. well i shouldnt put it like that because that makes it sound like i'm letting it get the best of me, which i'm not, but man, this really sucks. i have to take breathers after showering? i cant even go for like a 20 minute walk without feeling like i'm going to die when it's over? but, i have no choice but to think positive. this will get better with every round, my body will adjust and every time it will take less and less time to recover.

chemo: day 1

so yesterday chris and i went into dana farber to start my treatment. we of course got there like an hour early, but whatever.

so i know i have gotten a lot of questions on what it feels like and how i am feeling now, so i just wanted go over those things with you. i know i had never been in this kind of situation before, so i'm sure neither have a lot of you.

so we get there and the leukemia and lymphoma cases kind of have their own area on the first floor. i have to go in and get my height and weight checked, then go back to sit in the waiting room. it was a particularly packed day in there, and i literally started to feel the weight of everything that was happening to me. i couldn't sit still, i wouldn't let Chris touch me, i just didnt want to be starting this and not out here in the lobby with very sick looking people with masks and gloves, some not being able to walk. i wanted to be anywhere but there at that moment, at work having the day fly by because im so busy, over playing with my mom's dog...anywhere. it sucks. i just started to get up to just wander around because i could no longer sit still when they called my name 'holy shit, I'm going into the infusion area, where they give the chemo, for cancer, and it's for me. i don't get it'

so after having a minor breakdown the nurse: Kerri, brought me over to a chair and said she was going to put an I.V in. arm one, no luck. arm 2, no luck. while kerri was going over paperwork with me, it came to the talk about losing my hair. and i really started to lose it, i think being a female she got it, and knows there is nothing she cant say other than the great wigs they have now, etc, i gathered myself together. Kerri also said it's my first time it's all very scary and overwhelming.

Kerri calls in reinforcements to get the IV and she gets in first time. she says that nurse always shows everyone up. well anyway the IV was in and i was going to get about half a bag of saline before starting the chemo.-side note, never did the words 'just a pinch' come out of their mouths...i'm just saying...

our fellow, Dr. Bhatt came over and just asked any remaining questions i had, and wanted to let me know that most people in this infusion room don't have what i have, so i shouldn't think down the line, that's going to be me. which really helped a lot in thinking about it.

so this would be three or so hours chris and i sat around, luckily i had my laptop. then the volunteers roll around a cart that chris did everything but dive completely into. they had sandwiches, chips, (sun chips i might add)and drinks. so i had a nice lunch of that. then still waiting, my stepdad david stopped by on his lunch break to check out the situation. he likes to poke his head around.

so they finally started administering the drugs at like 1-130. the first two Kerri sat and administered them through huge syringe. the first, the "A' of the treatment is red, which i am told will make my pee orange. and oh boy did it. i had forgotten about her warnings when i was in the bathroom and got really freaked out. the second was also given with a syringe, the third went through my IV and lasted about 10 mins, and the last one went through IV and lasted about an hour. i had to pee a lot throughout this process and i always get nervous because, well I'm carting cancer drugs around.

so after that i was done! free to leave, but not before picking up
my prescriptions!here is a little snapshot of all the anti-nausea pills

oh and rested assured chris has thoroughly read through all those pamphlets and has begun a med schedule up on the fridge.


driving home i had weird spurts of having a headache and then feeling that i might throw up, but then that went away, i just wanted to get home. for an hour or two i just had an intense stomach pain/nausea.

right now, the day after i just feel groggy, like i'm walking around slower its taking me longer to type than usual, and texting is hard, its just like double vision on the screen.


ok that's all for now. you start to see the real effects 12-48 hours after treatment....so it looks like a big weekend of fun in bed

dum dum da dum

so it's what every girl dreams about. having the love of your life get down on one knee and ask you to spend the rest of your life with him. you are basically floating on air for the next six months, as you plan the big day. it was all going so smoothly. the cape is very important to the both of us, it's where we got engaged, it's where the both of us spent our summers throughout our childhood, it's where we go for a nice day trip when we just want to get away. so it only made sense to do the whole cape wedding thing.

we spent the first two weeks of our engagement searching for the perfect spot. we went from country club to yacht clubs to mansions to seaside locales. we fell in love with a beautiful room at willow bend country club in mashpee, floor to ceiling windows, an outdoor space to have a lounge area, on site villas that the wedding party could stay at, the whole 9 yards. once we had the place we were off, finding a photographer, dj, florists, cake bakers, invitation lady, we had it all. and thanks to not only my own, but also my fiance's OCD tendencies, we had it organized. a big wedding for 200 guests is what we were going to do, and with the help of our families and our own savings, we would be able to afford it and not owe anyone anything. and then of course, i was diagnosed with cancer.

now i dont want this blog to turn into a 'then i got cancer and my life ended' sort of thing, because that's not what this is about and that is not how i feel AT ALL. but my diagnosis has alot to do with the decisions we have made. and when i say we i mean myself and chris. my fiance is my best friend, he is one of the kindest, most generous, greatest people you will ever meet. it also doesnt hurt that he is adorable. we are a real team, and although i always thought we were as close as we could be, this whole process has brought us together on a completely different level. we are handling this together, we will get through this together. he has been there at every appointment, every weird test, i love him more than words can say and i dont know if i could be as calm as i am right now without him.

after meeting with the first oncologist, she told me that i would probably lose my hair, maybe lose some weight, and just in general feel sick and tired as a result of the chemotherapy. she also initially thinks i might need radiation at the end of my chemo. one of my first questions was "well, we are getting married in october, is this possible?" she took a moment, thought about it and informed me that she thought it was 'doable' my eyes started to fill up with tears and she tilted her head and said 'i know, i just got married 3 years ago, dealing with vendors and stuff is hard, but if you feel comfortable wearing a wig on your wedding day, i think you can do it, and we can push off the radiation a month and do it in november' no decisions were made at this point.

but when chris came home from work we talked about it. how important is this wedding to us? i mean, our marriage is important to us, but how important is the wedding? is it important enough to us that we forge ahead even when i am going through chemotherapy?!!? am i willing to risk my health for a party?

but what would we tell people? the save the dates went out, the deposits, the dresses, the honeymoon is booked. over the next few days we both thought about it and would talk about it for like five minutes here and there, what if we wait a year, what if i have no side effects to the treatment, what if i need more treatment than they think? and in the back of my mind i kept thinking, i dont want this anymore. it had only been two weeks and my life was put into a completely different perspective. it was like i didnt know the girl that was planning this big wedding. do i want to spend my wedding reception going around and talking to 200 guests?

so on the way to breakfast one sunday i just said "chris i think i want to do a destination wedding" and he said "i know babe" so we talked about it, figured we could slash our guest list by more than half, just invite immediate family and our closest friends, and then have a BBQ or something next summer.

i have to say i was nervous to tell people, just because i was kind of embarrassed that we had sent the save the dates out just a month before and now we are asking some of our family to make this even larger commitment to join us. but i have to say, 1. everyone has been very supportive and understanding of our decision. 2. people seem excited!

so that's that.