it's already august!

so i dont really have a good excuse as to why i havent written in almost a month. i guess my treatment is getting so routine that i didnt really want to bore everyone with the same old same old. yesterday marked the end of cycle four, which means two more cycles and then i'm donzo! four more visits to dana farber for treatment, the end is really in sight now. before the last treatment i complained of some breathing troubles which is a common side effect of one of the chemo drugs i am on, Bleo, so i went through a series of lung tests and my doctor decided to drop the Bleo from my treatment schedule completely. this is a common practice during treatment and they are currently conducting studies on whether or not to drop the Bleo from the chemo series completely from the start but there isnt enough evidence yet to support it. so i should expect the heaviness i've been experiencing in my chest to subside over the next few weeks.

plus over the past few weeks i have been dealing on more of an emotional level with my disease, finding coping mechanisms to deal with not only getting through this, but to learn how to move on once this is over. i was reading a fellow cancer survivor's blog and she said something very interesting, that really hit home. she is about 3 months out of treatment and she said how bizarre it is to now be able to plan her life in more than two week intervals. that's really what i'm doing right now and it's frustrating. it's annoying to have one good weekend and one bad weekend, it's annoying to have to schedule your life like that.

but then yesterday chris and i had the opportunity to sit next to a husband and wife that we ended up striking up a conversation with. he has been dealing with a brain tumor for more than two years, he has had surgeries and they have tried multiple types of chemotherapy and nothing has worked. he is 38 years old with three kids. talking to him really made me feel two things, one kind of bad that i was so happy to be there yesterday talking to the nurses and telling them that this was the end of cycle four and i will be done in october. this guy has no idea when he's going to be done, or if ever, i cant imagine that frustration. but it also made me feel grateful, i'm happy i had the opportunity to sit next to him and hear his story, i know now after all i have been through not to take one day for granted, but he made it seem more real one such a different level.